This comment showed up on a blog post I wrote a year ago, so I thought I'd move it to the top where people would have a better chance of finding it. Everything the commenter writes here rings true to me regarding the webside, Benzobuddies.org.
June 06, 2019 8:27 AM EDT
I experienced the same thing on BenzoBuddies. At first it was a great forum and others on that forum helped me through the toughest times of my withdrawal. After I healed, I thought I would pay it forward. I was doing a good job helping others and then decided to introduce outside sources of hope and encouragement. I was instantly reprimanded and when I complained, they pretty much locked down my account to where I couldn't post anything without moderator approval, nor could I Personal Message anyone. My account was for all intents and purposes...worthless and not usable. I told one moderator in particular that you need people on the site that healed to help and give hope to others. She dismissed it and said I thought I was "special" and "better than everyone else." Because I volunteered my time on the site? Needless to say I don't go on BBs any longer. Their draconian rules are only meant to stifle what they claim they are about, which is giving others hope. Too many rules, too many moderators on a power kick and too political...that's how I would sum up BenzoBuddies. Plus too many hard core people that claim they never heal when they don't tell "rest of the story." Almost all of those cases involve being poly drugged and having preexisting medical conditions prior to any type of anti-psychotic drug use.
Like this poster, while I was initially relieved to find the Benzobuddies site and learn that I was not along in the hell I was going through in withdrawal from Xanax, the place quickly became a negative in my life. The nastiness shown to me by certain members and moderators was hardly conducive to healing when what is so sorely needed is kindness.
I right away broke the unspoken Benzobuddies rule that says it's okay to go on at length about the amazing book you're going to publish just as soon as you get well, but you mustn't actually DO it. Apparently it's hard on the feelings of people who want to tell themselves they're going to write book. They're enjoying collecting posts of encouragement and admiration from others for the writing skills they're already displaying. Actually writing a book makes them face the fact that they are NOT writing a book.
I had hoped the story of my eventual recovery would be helpful to others. It certainly wasn't helpful to me. Okay, it's true, it WAS therapeutic to feel I would have my say and tell what it felt like to sit in each of these doctor's offices, but in writing out and going over and over in editing the most painful scenes of my ordeal, I really set myself up for PTSD. People who just forget may do better. But, I'm a writer; that's what I do.
Once my book was published, BB moderators scolded me if I mentioned it on the site. Occasionally the moderator, Colin Moran, would talk about setting up a thread where books by members or former members could be listed. Funny thing, that list finally went operative about two days after closed my account. I am not exaggerating. I assumed my book would be on that list, but a fellow BB whom I'd befriended off the board told me no, it wasn't there. When she suggested Accidental Addict be listed she was told they couldn't because I hadn't personally requested it. Ha! How's that for a Catch-22? Because now that I was off the board, I had no way of contacting them anyway.
Well, nuts to them. In the end, I doubt people on the BB board are the absolute best audience for my book anyway. So far, it's probably had more impact on people who start reading it just to check out a trainwreck story of somebody else's problems, only to find that drugs that gave me grief (Oxycodone and Xanax) are the very ones they themselves are currently taking.
So, heads up! If you're taking Xanax occasionally to sleep, you may be compromising your brain. You won't know how much until you try to go off. Please, educate and save yourselves.